Suffering in the Night

Late at night I lie awake.
A puddle of tears on my pillow I make.
I am lost within my mind,
That little voice within me I can't seem to find.
I am lost within myself --
Like a dream within a dream,
But, only this it does seem,
For it is not a dream, but rather,
Reality that keeps a hold of me.
Among the stillness inside of me
There rings out a cry --
The midnight cry of a lonely heart.
Here with my sanity I part.
On goes the ringing in my ear --
A new thought for each and every tear.
It is not my life that I fear,
But only . . . myself.
Oh, Lord, please draw near!
So often I am tempted to take my own life.
I get so tired of all this pain and strife.
I do know the consequence --
The punishment for such an act,
I would be no better than a murderer --
A love for all else I might have lacked.
Who am I meant to be?
If only my purpose I could see.
If only I could understand my worth --
He has blessed me so much since the day of my birth.
I am the daughter of the Most High King,
And yet His love I cannot understand,
He holds me in His mighty hand.
How could He love me so?
This, I may never know!
I hear a low ringing -- a ringing in my ear!
On and on goes the ringing --
Oh, to me it seems so queer.
In my eyes I seem so worthless
But yet my heart He caresses.
He died for me,
Here in my heart He always will be --
And though I'll never understand why
I am truly grateful -- this is no lie.

~Monique M.