Pounding in My Head

People are all around me --
I see their lips form words,
And their heads fly back in laughter.
But it's as if they hide behind sound-proof glass,
For all I hear is the pounding in my head.
Thoughts flash through my mind . . .
Who am I really?
I wonder who the girl is that stares at me through the mirror . . .
Does she have a name or purpose?
Deep inside I'm a lost little girl,
But the mirror reveals something more.
The thoughts seem muffled --
Muffled by the pounding in my head.
I wander within aimlessly,
Trying to find some sense of who I am . . .
Some proof of intelligence,
Or maybe just an answer as to which path is mine.
Tears well up in my eyes
As frustration and anxiety fill my mind.
There are so many roads in life, but only one that I must travel.
Do I even have what it takes to walk the winding road?
Fear holds me back as I stare across the trail --
Completely overwhelmed by the thought of making it alone.
Who will carry me when I have become too weak?
I walk around in circles, with no apparent direction . . .
Searching for some guidance,
A hand to point the right direction.
I hear a quiet voice speak softly in my ear . . .
The voice tells me it is my strength --
The hand to carry me through.
It's then I realize my strength lies in God,
And though at times I feel alone,
God is there to carry me on.
Still I roam without a clue . . .
I still don't know where the path will lead,
But I now see what matters most.
God gives me strength and blesses me with love,
Through the ones I call my own.

My Sister

Years ago, deep in my heart, there abided resentment . . .
Resentment for one so small --
One who shone like the sun, and twinkled with beauty
Like the stars in a glorious night.
Deep in my heart there was such bitterness
That bit like the cold on a breezy winter's night.
There was ever growing spite within
Towards the one who only showed love
And never-ending patience
Towards me . . . the one who could not show her love.
She has always been
Such a ray of light in the darkness of my heart.
Throughout the years I was filled --
Overflowing with much jealousy
For the one so small . . .
My sister.
No one could understand my troubles . . .
The things I felt towards her,
But then again --
Neither could I.
What could she have possibly done . . .
She was innocent -- maybe that was the problem.
She shone with such light
That my greediness burned through.
I would have given anything to have momma to myself . . .
To know that I was her girl.
So all through the years I wanted to cause her misery,
I wanted her to feel the pain I thought that I had,
The pain I felt from her taking my place.
Such terrible feelings I had towards the one so small . . .
My sister.
She never ceased to cheer my weary heart,
Nor to show me her love.
Slowly making her way into my heart . . .
The place I have always loved her,
But never dared let her know.
I love her with my whole heart and would have it no other way
She has shown me acceptance of self, and of others.
I am blessed to have her in my life.
Today she is my best friend . . .
She means everything in my world --
I would do anything for the one so small . . .
My sister.

Broken Dreams

Deep within I feel the ache --
The empty hole that you made.
Since you've been gone
I've never been the same.
It seems you've moved on,
Leaving me alone.
My heart longs for the man I used to know --
For the one I had loved . . .
The one who seemed sent from above.
I miss you with my whole heart.
I never wanted to part,
But God wanted different
And sent us our separate ways.
I keep praying for a miracle --
To have you in my arms once more,
But all I have are broken dreams --
Broken dreams and an aching heart.
It's time for me to let go,
Time to let go and be free.
It's the only way for me to be happy,
And mend these broken dreams . . .
It's time to let go.

Searching

Some time ago I stumbled --
Fell and lost my way.
I lost all love for life I had ever had.
I am now searching,
Trying to find myself.
I am lost among this unending storm,
Drowning in the flood.
Little by little I feel I am dying --
Dying from within.
Where did my love go --
How did it end?
Many times I have triumphed --
Only to fall back down again.
At times I may get discouraged,
But I will continue to stand with God on my side --
Until my journey has ended,
And the fight is won.

Faded Memories

It seems like a dream I awoke from --
Like some distant memory.
These past few months seem a blur
As reality and dreams combine.
My mind knows not what is real anymore.
Is all I knew to be true a lie?
What if reality were really a dream,
And a dream -- reality?
Who determines what is real?
I want nothing more than to be free --
Free from life's captive weight.
My mind is full of faded memories --
Nothing more than faded memories.
In the night I shed a tear,
Wishing it had only been a dream,
For now I am surrounded only --
By these faded memories.

Lost in His Embrace

Another day has passed,
And the love I once knew seems to fade
Like the setting of the sun.
I lay in the stillness -- in the darkness of the night,
And feel as though it is swallowing me up
Dragging me down to the deep pit of despair.
I feel empty -- lost.
Tears run down my face -- my stomach vomits.
Curled up on my bed I cry out --
I cry out to God.
"Why! Why, Lord, did this have to happen?
Where were you when my love slipped away?"
I lie in wait for a response --
My soul in agony
As if to face my fate.
I hear no voice come down from Heaven --
No light is shining on me.
For a moment all reason left me,
And I wondered if He heard my cry,
Or if He was really there.
Before I closed my eyes to try to sleep
I felt an overwhelming sensation --
Something familiar, and yet, something new.
I could almost feel God's arms around me
As peace came undeniably over me.
Lost in His embrace, I fell to sleep --
I fell asleep in God's embrace.

Missing you

You have been heavy on my mind today . . .

I bow my head to pray --

For I miss you more than I could ever say.

I just wish I could see your face --

All past memories in my mind I trace.

My heart is heavy when you're gone . . .

Every minute seems so long.

Why must I miss you so?

The tears, they want to flow.

I miss you more with each passing day.

As memories of you rest in my mind --

Here in my heart I find . . .

I'm missing you.

~Monique M.